Rambo's Rampages...

"We want our work to be known and our impact to be memorialized. And it will be, but by God alone. No human can give us accolades that will satisfy the  deepest longings of our hearts. We search vainly from others for the acclaim that only God can give." - Sara Hagerty, "Unseen" I don't know about you, but the older I get the more my life seems to be filled by disappointment after disappointment, one unsuccessful venture after another, failure followed by failure. And up until about 5 years ago I could have listed you a MYRIAD of things that qualified as my biggest fears, I could guarantee you that unsuccess was not one of them.  But now it is. Top of the list, number one for x weeks in a row.  Unsuccess. Under appreciated. Unseen. I'm still surprised by this. By the fact that it is. Surprised at how deeply and coldly it runs through me; how it has a hold.  It's not because I'm a mom (stay-at-home) or because ...

A dandelion.  A single weed in the middle of the yard. So who really cares, right? It's a weed. Basically a dead weed. It will be tromped under foot and fall apart and be ugly. And who cares that a weed's seeds are being spread all over the yard only to leave more weeds for next year that bees will inhabit? And those bees will sting my children's feet. And make the yard look like an utter mess because they inevitably grow faster than the grass.   The bloom is gone.  And I realized that's why I stopped and ran back to the house and grabbed the camera and a towel to kneel on to take a picture of this. A weed. Because it's not until the flower is dead that it becomes something worth taking a picture of. When the dandelion dies, only then does it become beautiful. And it's a picture of me. Only when I die to myself am I fully alive in Christ. And don't I want that?  I don't want to be an ...

Finally sitting on the couch. Cat, belly up, sleeping next to me. Dog at my feet. The same dog who almost knocked over our very-expensive-couldn't-afford-to-buy-it-again-(couldn't-really-afford-to-buy-it-the-first-time) air purifier. Kids upstairs waiting to be tucked in. Smallest kid hooked up to his vent. Just waiting for the nurse. Feet up for the first time in what feels like 1,029 hours (in the words of Emma). Lights dimming each time the air conditioner kicks in. Almost silence.  Today, oh Today, you persistent demanding thing. You were a pain in the butt at times. I, like many of you, hit the ground running and have not been able to stop until falling dead asleep from exhaustion in a nice comfy cool welcoming bed. Or, in my case, our awkward-for-the-neck couch. I'll take it. Today was the kind of day where you feel pretty accomplished but wonder if it was worth it. A day when you feel on top of everything until mid afternoon and you suddenly hit panic mode because ...