Rambo's Rampages...

I'll admit it, I'm not a spring chicken anymore. Somewhere after I turned 30 my body and mind (mostly mind) decided they were going to knot themselves, or loose themselves. I'm not sure which. But whatever happened left me like "Well, this is it. I guess just death is left."  So anyway... I think I found my spirit animal.   Yes, kid, yes. I do. I don't even actually know what you said, but I feel you in the depths of my soul.   I relate to the rapid searching of your mind for the right word that has miraculously disappeared from your vocabulary. I relate to your utter unashamed determination to NEVER QUIT until you say exactly what you wanted to say. And mostly, I relate to you doing this all out loud. If I'm suffering you're all suffering.  Dear kid that I don't know, back when this video came out I could not relate. I didn't fully appreciate you. But now. Oh now, I really do. Unfortunately for me, trying to order a breakfast sandwich at the...

Handheld Vacuum  Sealer. Have you guys heard of these things? These crazy, beautiful creations? You probably have. It took me about 2 years to get on the meme train, I still don't have an Instapot, and "cold busted" is still in my repertoire. (But come on, you know there's no better word for those stinging digs.) Nevertheless, I have just discovered this novelty, thanks to my mother in law (who, yes, is FAR more current than I).  Um... these things are amazing.   LOOK AT MY CHOCOLATE CHIPS. JUST LOOK AT THEM. Also, look at my counter tops. That was totally intentional.    I have avoided the whole vacuum sealer thing because.... I just didn't want to do it *whiny voice*. Having to pull out another machine, setting it up, finding a place to store it... Okay, that might not seem bad, but it is. It always felt like such a chore. And when you already have to vacuum your house twice a day because you have two German Shepherds - you read that right. Twice. A. Day...

"I don't think you understand the concept of Fun Land." - Benjamin     I cried. Right there under the Paratrooper ride next to the hose for vomit. Right in the middle of FunLand with screams and laughs and smiles all around me. For the most part I think I went unnoticed. Parents too busy videotaping their children on rides for the first time, boys too busy trying to impress girls, kids too busy running away from their parents.  I'm sure I wasn't noticed. That is until Emma turns around and in an effort to speak above all the noise loudly says "Mom, you look like you might be crying!" And EVERYBODY and EVERYTHING stops. All the noise and rides are suddenly supernaturally suspended mid air and all eyes are on me. The void of movement is palpable. I'm pretty sure time stopped. Yes, yes, people, I'm crying, get over it. And they do in a matter of about 0.2 seconds because, thankfully, nobody really cares.   I cried at FunLand. How in the w...