Aaaaaaaaand, Bam!

It just hit me. Just as I rolled my eyes and got up from the chair because Theodore was fussing again. I was wondering when it was going to be my turn for a break. When do I get the chance to stop answering questions and breaking up arguments and disciplining and rocking to sleep?

And then (unfortunately, but fortunately) it hit me. 

It's not about breaks or time outs. It's not about the number of minutes a day I get to do nothing. In a previous post when Theodore was extremely ill I quoted, abbreviated, from a book that is special to my heart:

Cheerfully and gratefully I lay my life and all I am or own at the feet of Him

who redeemed with His precious blood, 

engaging to follow Him,

bearing the cross he lays upon me.

This is the least I can do

and I do it while my heart lies broken and bleeding at His feet.

-Stepping Heavenward

Do I only lay my life before Him when my child is close to death? What about the everyday? How could I give that up gratefully then and not now? 

Let me tell you something important:

Comparison kills.

It kills, people. Discontentment, selfishness, pride, the sense of inconvenience- they destroy. I've seen it. In others lives.

In my life.

I'm truthfully ashamed that it takes my son almost dying for me to walk in that. To live right where I am. Cheerfully and gratefully when my kids are fighting. Cheerfully and gratefully when hot chocolate spills all over the tablecloth. Giving up each moment of my life, recognizing it as not my own. I can live EACH day surrendered. I can live EACH day thankful. I can live EACH day in peace. 

And it doesn't matter whether anyone around me is

because it's not up to them.

I read a card many years ago that said something to the effect of: the grass is always greener on the other side, so you go there and find it's a sewer mound. 

Don't wait to live joyfully. Don't wait until you almost lose a child to live surrendered. Peace will not come any other way. 

Don't choose the sewer mound.

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And just some proof that I do get the chance to put my feet up sometimes:

Although, trouble does usually follow.