Garden of your mind.
Grrr.
Today is a minority. I have bad moments. Sometimes even bad minutes but rarely do I have an entire bad day. Today is a bad day.
Theodore has on and off been running a low grade fever. No big deal. But that fever decided at some point last night to become constant. Bigger deal. Because I believe, if I think really really far back, I can remember a time when having fevers was annoying but did not cause too much trouble. However, for the past 5 or so months that hasn't been the case. So when he hit 99.9 once I wasn't concerned but now that he's been sitting at 100.4 I'm really freaking frustrated. A one time 99.9 can pass. But I'm not sure what's going to happen with this persistent stinking slowly creeping up fever.
Today has been bad. Because SOME school has very brokenly gotten done, but no housework. Because the dog has almost eaten two of the cats. Seriously, almost eaten them. I've hardly been able to leave Theodore's side. And now he has FINALLY fallen asleep and I pledge to kill whatever person or thing wakes him up. Because although the kids can make their own food it's not worth the trouble of having a huge mess. Because no one can explain to my husband or my own head that I just couldn't do it today. And that's not saying that Ben doesn't understand and graciously love me and keep his mouth closed even if the house is bothering him. But I really just can't explain - even to myself- why it all seems like so much today.
Yes, Mr. Rogers, it's good to be curious about many things. I'm constantly curious about what life would be like without a chronically sick child. I'm also curious about tee shirt yarn. Curiosity isn't bad unless it leads to a desire that can't be attained. Because that desire will always lead to discontentment. That is my struggle today.
Finding contentment in the fever and the fussiness and busyness of life. And the daily replay of it all.
Today is a minority. I have bad moments. Sometimes even bad minutes but rarely do I have an entire bad day. Today is a bad day.
Theodore has on and off been running a low grade fever. No big deal. But that fever decided at some point last night to become constant. Bigger deal. Because I believe, if I think really really far back, I can remember a time when having fevers was annoying but did not cause too much trouble. However, for the past 5 or so months that hasn't been the case. So when he hit 99.9 once I wasn't concerned but now that he's been sitting at 100.4 I'm really freaking frustrated. A one time 99.9 can pass. But I'm not sure what's going to happen with this persistent stinking slowly creeping up fever.
Today has been bad. Because SOME school has very brokenly gotten done, but no housework. Because the dog has almost eaten two of the cats. Seriously, almost eaten them. I've hardly been able to leave Theodore's side. And now he has FINALLY fallen asleep and I pledge to kill whatever person or thing wakes him up. Because although the kids can make their own food it's not worth the trouble of having a huge mess. Because no one can explain to my husband or my own head that I just couldn't do it today. And that's not saying that Ben doesn't understand and graciously love me and keep his mouth closed even if the house is bothering him. But I really just can't explain - even to myself- why it all seems like so much today.
Yes, Mr. Rogers, it's good to be curious about many things. I'm constantly curious about what life would be like without a chronically sick child. I'm also curious about tee shirt yarn. Curiosity isn't bad unless it leads to a desire that can't be attained. Because that desire will always lead to discontentment. That is my struggle today.
Finding contentment in the fever and the fussiness and busyness of life. And the daily replay of it all.
Praying for you, hon. I know the feeling and nothing is going to satisfy. There is no comfort to be found outside of the Lord. This sucks. Our circumstances suck. There is no changing that fact. But God chose us for this purpose for a reason and WILL supply all we need to make it each day if we only come to Him and ask. I know I haven't been embodying that lately, but it doesn't make it any less true. Go to the living waters to be restored.
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